Your favorite distraction (nefarious) wrote,
Your favorite distraction
nefarious

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so...drained...can't...stay..awake

Last night, I stayed at my parent's house and played poker with my family until 2:30 in the morning. After they went to bed I went out to my car, opened the sunroof, turned on the seat warmer and listened to plaid's 'double figure' while looking at the stars for about 45 minutes. A combination of my mood, the music, and being at home made it an extremely personal and introverted experience, which is hard to describe with words, but it was beautiful.

The first gift I received this morning was a hangover, followed by many other gifts that were more desirable. After the initial present opening event and breakfast, I was able to go home, smoke a little somethin-somethin and take a nap, which fixed my head. Then, cleaned & polished, I picked Bill up and we went to my Brother's house for christmas dinner. I love warm evenings spent with family, friends and (too much) good food... It was qualitah.

It's hard to think that I won't be living here in t minus 4 days. I kind of miss it already, even though I didn't particularly like living here. I am so different than I was when I moved in... I feel attached. So many memories, so many things shared. I guess part of my wistfulness comes from the fact that any (concrete, physical) things Nikki & I shared will be removed from my life after I move.

I'm anxious because I think my life will be quite tumultuous for the next year, at least. I'm seriously considering taking a sabbatical from/quitting my job this summer and spending it in italy or costa rica... somewhere. Something else. Repeat after me 'I am not a capitalist drone, I have a soul.'. Rinse thoroughly. Everyday more and more things about 'everyday life' dissatisfy me. I owe it to myself to.. experience. I often think I'm 'different', more deserving, or special than most people, then I realize it doesn't matter because the most worthy human is still a human. What do I think I will find away from my home country? Perspective, love, culture? Lately I've been romanticising about settling down, starting a family. Why? Is it instinct? Too many questions on this tired night. Time to think.
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